Before I get down to the philosophies, some news first. Joining XLRI finally, didnt have much choice...IIMB failed me and could not convince myself for joining I or K...now that gets me thinking again, what wrong wud it do to me had i gotton through IIMB..
I could very well convince myself as to why it was good that I didnt go to IIMB/XL in last two years (now only, after crying over it for 2 yrs.) but cant figure out a plus for losin IIMB this year. Maybe I would, two yrs down the line.
Have had this talk with almost everyone with whom I can talk this and who believes in it, coz I am usually against it and that is what is required for a good discussion..two parties in opposition. But every time we were able to conclude the discussion that too to the same point "its all in the mind" and that is what i mean when i oppose the stmt. It is not true that everything that happened in my life happened for good, I could have been better without it, but then I would like to believe the philosophy coz thats my only savior, my only hope which helps me get going.
Lets say X and Y are the two possibilities that could come my way (Loved this example, thanx to Ananya :) ). X happens to me. I dnt know what Y had in store , could have been better, could have been worse. If I think that Y was better and I keep brooding over it, I would not be able to perform. Ok u may say that it can give u a push , but if u keep thinking the same way abt all Ys, take this in writing that you are gonna spoil your life. Therefore X was the best possible thing for you. If you have not been able to see this till date, you will, some day.
Thats the reason I say I oppose the stmt, its not a fact and hence cannot be stated as a fact . Everyone uses it sometime or the other to feel good, feel positive and move ahead. There is nothing wrong with it. You might choose to challenge it at times, but as already said, dnt dare to do it all the time. And as Saumya would say, wait till you get to know the reason.. everything will fall in place.. am waiting for my reason, why XL and why not IIMB ?:(
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Monday, April 9, 2007
Good Friday - The break
Well have been thinking of writing since past few days now but didnt have anything to write..Not that life is still, it is moving, that too at a decent pace but guess i cant write abt an incident or describe a situation...probably coz i m not using this as a diary, but as a 'let out' for feelings..May be if i get to talk abt these things to someone, i would not bother scribbling..Also, m a baaaad story- teller, hence not comfortable describing scenes etc.
Let me give it a try today..linking it up with the feelings part..
Over the weekend, i realized that m good at pretension (is it same as hypocrisy?) . Was at mausiji's place and was surrounded with 4 kids (nephews n a niece) for 3 days !! no doubt i enjoyed it the 1st day. i enjoyed playing bat-ball with them and showing them my mobile's camera. 2nd day it was still bearable, with chocolates etc taking care of half my work as a responsible 'buaji' who was able to do the toughest job of making kids eat their lunch and dinner.. tried getting some peace with a few pages of 'maximum city' in a corner when i was asked by mausaji if i was getting bored. No i was not, how could I be with so many 'cute' kids around. Ok here is the homework time. In the evening, m taken to one of the neighbours who thot I was one of the best girls in the whole world. And the reason for such a behaviour was (or so i guess) coz I was wearing a salwar suit, wasnt wearing any make up or jewellery and was quiet most of the time excpt few namastes and 'haanji autie'. Actually this 'innocence' after such advanced studies I underwent calls for admiration. Doesnt it...but if only all that was true! If only i wore salwaar suit and was so polite and soft-spoken all the time (Felt terribly bad).. anyway , i plan to leave the next morning but m stopped. how cud i leave when it was a holiday. The kids want to play with buaji, and i wud not say no..how sweet of me !! By noon I have had enough of being goody goody. But i cannot be rude, not in my nature u see:P So i adopt a neutral way , the avoidance technique...I do not part away with my mobile and the youngest one sleeps without a lunch:( I would not watch a cartoon with them but would switch on TV in another room and watch some saif ali-urmila movie. And i realize i have to leave before dinner to be in working condition at office next day. I take a leave. A good trip, everyone impressed, my work done :)
Now the important part is the feeling bad part..M not so good , i can prove that! The auntie would not want to have me as her bahu/beti in case she knows the reality...mausaji would be dead against my MBA decision (he is not in favor anyway)...now the problem is y do i pretend, trying to be someone m not. Following are the 2 possible answers (in that order of possibility):
- I want them to admire me as one who still knows how to deal with 4 kids, specially after having advance education
- I want them to believe that my decisions of higher eduction is not wrong and i can still be 'good'
Doesnt it feel like another example of double standards....why cant you be what you are? why do u have to please everyone and mould yourself according to the other person? probably coz of society ? u have to have social acceptance to lead a peaceful life and social acceptance can come only by pretension? M not that bad...just following the rules of life:)
Let me give it a try today..linking it up with the feelings part..
Over the weekend, i realized that m good at pretension (is it same as hypocrisy?) . Was at mausiji's place and was surrounded with 4 kids (nephews n a niece) for 3 days !! no doubt i enjoyed it the 1st day. i enjoyed playing bat-ball with them and showing them my mobile's camera. 2nd day it was still bearable, with chocolates etc taking care of half my work as a responsible 'buaji' who was able to do the toughest job of making kids eat their lunch and dinner.. tried getting some peace with a few pages of 'maximum city' in a corner when i was asked by mausaji if i was getting bored. No i was not, how could I be with so many 'cute' kids around. Ok here is the homework time. In the evening, m taken to one of the neighbours who thot I was one of the best girls in the whole world. And the reason for such a behaviour was (or so i guess) coz I was wearing a salwar suit, wasnt wearing any make up or jewellery and was quiet most of the time excpt few namastes and 'haanji autie'. Actually this 'innocence' after such advanced studies I underwent calls for admiration. Doesnt it...but if only all that was true! If only i wore salwaar suit and was so polite and soft-spoken all the time (Felt terribly bad).. anyway , i plan to leave the next morning but m stopped. how cud i leave when it was a holiday. The kids want to play with buaji, and i wud not say no..how sweet of me !! By noon I have had enough of being goody goody. But i cannot be rude, not in my nature u see:P So i adopt a neutral way , the avoidance technique...I do not part away with my mobile and the youngest one sleeps without a lunch:( I would not watch a cartoon with them but would switch on TV in another room and watch some saif ali-urmila movie. And i realize i have to leave before dinner to be in working condition at office next day. I take a leave. A good trip, everyone impressed, my work done :)
Now the important part is the feeling bad part..M not so good , i can prove that! The auntie would not want to have me as her bahu/beti in case she knows the reality...mausaji would be dead against my MBA decision (he is not in favor anyway)...now the problem is y do i pretend, trying to be someone m not. Following are the 2 possible answers (in that order of possibility):
- I want them to admire me as one who still knows how to deal with 4 kids, specially after having advance education
- I want them to believe that my decisions of higher eduction is not wrong and i can still be 'good'
Doesnt it feel like another example of double standards....why cant you be what you are? why do u have to please everyone and mould yourself according to the other person? probably coz of society ? u have to have social acceptance to lead a peaceful life and social acceptance can come only by pretension? M not that bad...just following the rules of life:)
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